SoCS – Playing games while eating

I finally found a game on my phone that interests my son. I usually tend to lean towards puzzle games, but I also try not to have too many on my phone because I’m pretty OCD, as you all know, and I have a hard time letting things go sometimes. That’s what’s nice sometimes about Candy Crush. You only get five lives, so if the level sucks (which most of them do for a few days until they finally decide to let you win), you play five lives and then leave it for a few hours until your lives regenerate. My youngest son thinks I’m idiotic to play Candy Crush because it is so obviously stacked against the player, making it impossible to pass levels without paying for them. I am happy to report that I’ve never spent a single dollar on the game. Just lots of time and usually frustration.

The game that Andru will actually play with me is Wordscapes. It’s sort of like a crossword puzzle game and there seems to be no end to the levels. I spend way too much time on it. While I was eating the other night, Andru sat on the counter and we played the game for probably an hour, laughing our asses off for most of it. Because it gives you five to seven letters to work with, and those are the only letters you can use, you spend a lot of time coming up with completely random words that you know aren’t actually words, just to try and figure out the real word.

The other really funny thing that happens is that you end up spelling an actual word, but you don’t realize it’s a word because you are pronouncing it incorrectly. I love how random letters make your brain automatically choose to think “ay” for the letter A rather than “ah” or “aah”. Needless to say, it makes for some entertainment while you’re doing something as mundane as trying to figure out what to eat for dinner, which is what Andru was supposed to be doing; or eating dinner, which is what I was doing.

Who wants to just sit and eat dinner without doing something? That actually brings up this other time when my hubby and I were both preparing lunch for ourselves. My diet is pretty strict right now, so we were eating different things. When I was done, I took my food to the table and sat down. When my hubby was done, he started walking towards the living room to sit in front of the TV. “Are you seriously going to leave me here alone?” I asked. He laughed sheepishly and came and sat by me, but I think his heart was really in the living room with that TV. Should I be jealous?

Happy Saturday everyone!


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is ““dom.” Use it as a word, or find a word that starts or ends with it. Have fun!”

 

SoCS – Random Flowery (Floury?) Thoughts

Usually when I first read the prompt, my mind starts flowing with ideas. It normally doesn’t take long before I have a pretty cohesive direction and I’m off to writing. Today, however, my mind kept jumping from one thing to the next, so this just might be the most random post I’ve done in a while.

Yesterday, I walked into the lunch room at work and noticed a vase of flowers just sitting there. The card was still in the vase and I was really curious about whose flowers they were and what the card said. However, if you received unwanted flowers, would you still leave the card in the vase? I would have thrown it away, to be honest. I might have even thrown the flowers away too, but I can also see the appeal of giving them away to everyone! But I think it raises more questions than offering some sort of lovely picture, you know?

I used to love baking when I was a kid. It hit all my OCD buttons. My mama taught me how to measure the flour out; how you have to use a knife to tap it along the top, ensuring that the flour settles into the measuring cup. Then you swipe along the top so there isn’t any more than just the one cup. I was baking in front of my daughter a few weeks ago and apparently she’s more OCD than I am. She counts the number of times she taps the top before she swipes. In some ways, I feel bad that I passed along this OCD perfectionist thing that I have, but in other ways, I’m just a proud mama.

Is it weird that I don’t have a favorite flower? I’m not huge on getting flowers as a gift. I think it’s a waste of money and the poor flowers are either raised in a greenhouse, which just isn’t the same, or they are taken out of their natural habitat just so they can die two days later on your table. I think all flowers are beautiful, so I don’t think I have a favorite one. I just love the colors and the soft petals. The one flower that I have to enjoy from a distance, though, is the lily. It is such a beautiful flower, but the smell gives me a headache. It’s crazy how it becomes more intense with each passing day, too. Someone gave me lilies once and I ended up taking them into a different room so I didn’t have to suffer the smell.

There you have it. That’s every random thought I had when I read the prompt. Not very cohesive today, but I suppose it’s a small, somewhat silly look into my random thoughts.

Happy Saturday everyone!


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is “flower/flour. Use one, use both, it’s totally up to you. Enjoy!”

 

SoCS – I’m finally posting

It’s been a long time since I submitted a post for SoCS. I honestly think about it every Saturday, but then it gets too late in the day and I just don’t. I have some pretty strange ideas about my blog. I don’t like posting more than once a day and when I do, I try to space them out so they aren’t all happening back to back. That’s probably counter-intuitive when you think about it, especially if I was looking to add viewers. At least, I think that’s how it works. But honestly, that’s not why I’m here. Don’t get me wrong, I love my followers and I’m always grateful that someone finds enough here to want to click that Follow button.

I’m here for the amazing community (which I suppose happens with followers?), and to write. I haven’t been writing much, though, which I am always hoping to change and one day I might decide to change that from a hope to a reality. For me, though, it’s not about the number of followers, it’s about interaction, and as we all know, there’s only a very small portion of our followers who actually interact.

I find it rather funny how a certain word prompt can take a post into a wholly different direction than planned. I was going to write about life and probably bitch about the fact that I started a diet three weeks ago and the stupid scale is being stubborn and not showing me the results I feel like I’m achieving. I guess the one consolation I have is that the inches are coming off and I’m fitting in my clothes better. That’s really all that matters, right? Then why is it that a number on a scale can have such a drastic effect? It really shouldn’t, but I can honestly say that I’m still seething about the number this morning.

This happened a few weeks ago and I talked to an online coach about it. She was just excited that I’d lost 2 pounds, but I was hoping for 5 or more, you know? I suppose I should celebrate the small victories and not get it into my head that I should be this number or that number.

With that, I will just say that I hope you all have an amazing Saturday, and let’s celebrate the small victories, as tiny as they may be sometimes!


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is “post.” Use it as a word, or find a word that uses it as a prefix. Have fun!

 

The best news for a writer that just has to be shared!

It is really weird for me to do this, because I’m not one to stand in the spotlight, but I just have to share the good news. I was approached by a publishing company several months ago to submit some of my writing, which I did. Not knowing the process or how long it could take, I had pretty much given up on it when I received the email that one of my short stories was accepted.

My story, Mirror’s Curse, will be featured in the book, Utah’s Emerging Writers: An Anthology! It is actually available for pre-order now, so if you’d like to check it out and some other stellar stories, please click here. The link will take you to the publishing house website, so just click on “Pre-Orders: See Collection” and you should be able to find it.

I guess this means that I actually need to dig in and write!

When books traumatize you instead of entertain you

I thought of this a few weeks ago, but I didn’t have the drive to actually write it up and post it. However, something happened today that made me think of it again. Also, my sister basically forced me to write something yesterday and it has all my writing juices flowing. I guess it’s about time I used my blog for something other than SLS; although, I’m told it’s perfectly fine that my blog is only that.

A few weeks ago, I picked up a book by one of my favorite authors. The synopsis had me intrigued and I couldn’t wait to dive into it. That feeling was very short lived. I had a hard time reading it and it made me anxious. I thought at first that I was simply in one of my moods, but it became increasingly clear that it was the book. It only took about a hundred pages before I finally realized why.

It was the premise and ultimately the bad guy. It brought back a time in my life that still manages to haunt me to this day. I decided to keep reading, but the more I did it, the more anxious I became. I started leaving the book at home, rather than taking it to read during lunch. On Saturday mornings, when I’m normally excited to get a few pages in, I glanced at it and then walked away. It wasn’t until today that I decided to pick up another book. It was like a breath of fresh air. Finally, a book that didn’t make me want to crawl out of my skin.

It does trouble me, though. Part of me wants to read it. I want to face those demons head on and exorcise them. But is that really the way to do it? Do I really want to go through that just for a story? I’ve done it before. I read a book called Sharp Objects, and even though I knew it was traumatizing me, I ended up finishing it. It’s the first book that I ever truly felt like flinging across the room when I was finished. I’m not even happy that I read it, to be honest.

It’s hard for me to leave a book unfinished. I’ve only abandoned a few books in my life and it’s hard to know if I’m making the right decision. Do I keep traumatizing myself in the hopes that some part of that hell will be put to rest? Or do I let it go?

I’m interested to know what you think, since we are a writing community. Do you read books that traumatize you, or do you move on to other things?

I’d love to hear from you!

SoCS – Summertime at its finest

When you find yourself on a Saturday morning wanting to write about something specific, but you check out the theme post and it has nothing to do with it, it makes for some interesting thoughts.  Rather than trying to make it all fit, I’m just going to write and I’ll try to get that pesky word in there.

As Linda mentioned, things are starting to heat up.  It is rather strange, though, because we didn’t really have a spring.  Either way, though, I’m happy we are heading into warmer weather.  It means more grilling and more hiking!

I am happy to report that this week, my exercise went almost exactly as planned.  There was only one day that I just couldn’t bring myself to get up at 5:30 am, but then I ended up coming home early (thanks Friday at work before Memorial Day) and banging it out.

When I went for my run last weekend, I was scared to death.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to hurt myself worse or if it was going to help my pain.  I ended up falling down some stairs last year, and ever since my back has been in pain.  It’s been something I’ve lived with on a daily basis and it has made life rather difficult.  I started seeing a physical therapist, and she pretty much told me I need to move.  After four visits, I was frustrated and upset, but I finally decided that if she wanted me to move, I could certainly do that.

It’s been almost a week since I went on my first run and I’ve gone on two additional runs and I am doing some cross-training on the off days.  Isn’t it weird how moving can be painful but can also lessen the pain?  My muscles hurt and I’m pretty exhausted (I’m SO not getting enough sleep), but somehow my back is actually feeling better!

There are also other benefits to doing some exercise every day.  My brain is happy and I just feel better!  I’m honestly really excited to be back at it again.  Hopefully, it will continue to help my back, rather than hurt it.

Today, my hubby and I are going on a hike.  I’m so excited to get outdoors and to see how far he can make it.  The last time we went, it was before heart surgery, so he really struggled.  He’s looking to see if he can go farther than last time, so we shall see.  Then, maybe we’ll break out the grill!  Summertime is the best, isn’t it?

Happy Saturday everyone!


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is “grill.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

  

Flash Fiction – Avenging Angel

Every mom wants the best for their child, and I’m no exception. I don’t know how many times I pictured your graduation; you, in a white dress, walking down the aisle; you having a child of your own. It’s something a mother almost expects. What they don’t expect is a gravestone.

Yours reads:

My Angel
May 23, 1990 – January 12, 2005
Gone to find her wings…

I wish you could tell me whether or not you like it. I tried to capture you, all of you; but how do you do that in such a small space. You were so large. You filled up every room and the light sort of fizzled the moment you stepped out of it. When you left this world, you took so much of me with you that there isn’t much left; not much reason for me to remain.

I can hear you now, telling me how cryptic I am; how I have so much to live for. I know you’d want me to move on. Perhaps you’d also understand that I just can’t.

I’m not so bold to think you’d thank me for it or that you’d do the same for me. I would honestly tell you not to. But would it matter? I don’t know.

For the last year, I’ve listened and I’ve watched. I’ve attended every court session, heard everything they said about you, about what he did. There were moments that I was sure I was being ripped apart.

I wish I could go back to that night and tell you not to go. I wish I could have yelled at myself to go with you. I would have saved you. Either that, or I would still be with you; the two of us, angels up in heaven. We’d take heaven by storm, just like we were so close to doing here.

The details of that night will forever be burned in my memory, as if I’d been there; as if I’d lived it with you. If only I could take the burden from you; the gruesome horror of it. Why couldn’t it have been me? Why did it have to be you?

I’ve watched those twelve people sitting in that box. I’ve watched their faces. At first, they were horrified. I watched as they sent murderous glares to the monster on the other side of the courtroom. If only glares could do what must be done.

It didn’t take long for those looks to change. Now, they are pensive; thoughtful. There were times, when he was on the stand, that everyone was laughing. How could anyone laugh? But I’ve noticed that he has ways with people, which is perhaps why he has been allowed to continue; why you ended up in his grasp.

When they filed out to deliberate, I already knew what was going to happen. I knew what their decision would be, so I found myself leaving the courtroom. I went fast because I didn’t think it would take them long. I drove all the way across town, breaking every speed limit along the way, grabbed the item I knew would set you free, and then I hurried back.

I was right. My phone rang while I was parking. Their deliberation was done.

My heart started beating in my chest like a trapped bird struggling for flight. As far as plans went, mine was flimsy, but I’d been thinking of this since the moment they pulled back the sheet and I saw your broken body lying on the cold hard slab. I didn’t cry then, but I was forever broken.

I settled in with the crowd making their way back into the courtroom. There were whispers, bursts of laughter, and I heard someone crying. Is that me?

I didn’t bother to sit. I stood in the corner at the back of the room. I wanted to be the first one out. It felt like I hadn’t taken a breath before those twelve people were filing back into their seats.

“Ladies and Gentleman of the Jury, have you reached a verdict?”

“We have, your honor.”

My ears started to ring and within seconds, it was a loud roar echoing throughout my head. When they finally said the words, they replaced the roar and continued echoing around my head.

Not Guilty
Not Guilty
Not Guilty

And even though I was expecting it, I almost dropped to my knees in horror. How could they? Didn’t they see what he’d done to you?

I was the first one out the door. I thought I heard someone yelling my name, but I kept on moving. I ran to my car, grabbed what I needed, ran back to the courthouse steps and stood next to a pillar. Before I knew it, he was walking out the doors. Cameras were flashing and people were yelling questions, trying to get his attention.

“How does it feel to be a free man?”

“What are you going to do now?”

I watched as he smiled into all the cameras and started talking into the microphones.

I didn’t need his attention. I just needed him in hell where he belonged. Slowly, I pulled out the gun. Everything became silent except the buzzing that had started in my ears. Slowly, silently, I aimed for the center of his body and pulled the trigger. I pulled it again, and again, and again. I don’t know what happened first, the gun clicking empty or the mad rush of noise in my ears as I felt something hard enter my chest.

Amidst the cacophony of noise that I can’t make sense of, I find myself looking up at the cloudless blue sky, coughing up blood and struggling for breath. I manage to smile when I see white wings above me, beating in the glow of the sun.

Now you are free, my love, and I will be with you soon.


I haven’t participated in a Chuck Wendig challenge in way too long, but this week, it spoke to me.  He asked us to write a story of revenge in about 1,000 words and this one came out pretty easily.  It felt good to write something longer than 100 words.  I guess I can still do it…

SoCS – The empty feeling of not running

It has been a LONG time since I did an exercise or health post.  To be honest, I haven’t really exercised in ages and I’m far from healthy in terms of what I eat and how much weight I’ve gained in the past few years.  I decided to make a change (again) and instead of just jumping into something, I decided to make a plan.

I’m probably way over-thinking this, but that’s what I’m good at, so I will try not to let it get too out of hand.

I stopped running a few years ago (was it last year?) because I was in pain.  I went to a physical therapist once, but according to him, I had to relearn how to walk and run and I figured it just wasn’t worth it.  But I’m sort of missing it.  Now that it’s warmer, I see runners on the sidewalks and I am starting to realize that the empty feeling inside is longing.

I just had a thought today about when I went for my first run.  I did it because my sister told me that she had started running and she also told me how much she loved it.  My sister and I have this not so healthy competitive thing that happens with us, but this time, that competition got me up off my ass.  I was actually at her house, and the next morning I just got up and went for a run.  I didn’t have the right shoes.  I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.  I just did it.

Boy, was it hard!  I hurt for a few days and barely ran for most of the mile I was out, but at the same time it felt so good!  After that, I was hooked.  Pain sort of deals a blow to all that nostalgia that running can offer, but I think I’ve learned enough about my body to understand what I need to do.

I’d already decided that I was going to go for a run in the morning, but then the doubts started creeping in.  Is it going to hurt?  What if I can’t run very far?  What am I even doing?  Who am I kidding??  But then the voice of reason reminded me of that first run and I am all set.

This blogger is going for a run tomorrow morning.  I’m hoping that it will help dispel that empty/hollow feeling that’s been plaguing me.  Even if it doesn’t, I’m sure there will be other benefits to it.

Happy Saturday everyone!


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is “empty/hollow.” Use one, use both, entirely up to you. Enjoy!

  

SoCS – Sometimes, things don’t go as smoothly as planned

I started a project last July (has it really been that long?), and to say the least, it hasn’t gone as smoothly as anticipated.  I stopped working on the project a few months after I started, and it pretty much sat there until right after Christmas.

I have a love-hate relationship with Christmas.  This last time, I really didn’t celebrate it all that much and once it was all said and done, it made me really sad.  I guess I like it more than I was willing to admit to myself, and not really celebrating it left me feeling depressed.

So, I made a decision, went out and bought a Christmas tree and decorations and vowed that Christmas 2018 was going to be the best one yet!  This all brings me back to that project I’d started.  I had decided to crochet blankets for each one of my kiddos and I finally ended up finishing the one I started in July sometime in March (I think).

I then moved on to the next one and finished that one around the beginning of April.

I then started on my daughter’s.  The funny thing about it is that somewhere around the second row of squares, I made the decision to give it to her for her graduation.

All this time I thought I had suddenly disappeared, and to make matters even worse, I wasn’t really liking the colors in the blanket.  Two weeks before graduation, I found the perfect color and ended up redoing the first two rows and replacing the color I didn’t like.  The blanket was so much better, but that left about a week and a half to finish the rest of it.

I don’t even know how I managed it.  The Saturday before we were supposed to leave for her graduation, I crocheted something like 15 squares and my wrists were on fire.  I also developed some weird rash on my wrists that would get worse every time I crocheted.  That didn’t stop me, though.  I crocheted another 14 squares on Sunday and ended up finishing it on Tuesday, two days before we left.

I can’t decide if this was all a good or a baaad idea, but it happened.  The down side was, of course, the pain and the weird rash.  It also left me little time to blog or do much of anything besides crochet.  She loved the blanket, though.  I managed to pick all her favorite colors, which was somewhat difficult because all she told me was “fall colors” were her favorites.

I certainly feel a sense of accomplishment.  I also plan to crochet many different gifts for Christmas this year and am truly grateful it’s only May so I have plenty of time to get them all done!

Happy Saturday everyone!


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is “on the farm.” Find a word that has a farm animal sound in it, i.e. sMOOth, and use it in your post. Bonus points if you include three or more. Have extra fun!

  

SoCS – Messy Buns

I tried to talk myself out of writing about the first thing that came to mind, but then I decided it just wasn’t worth it. I was thinking it wouldn’t make for very interesting reading, but who knows?  Maybe the subject could use a bit more talking about.  Although, that makes it seem like it’s somehow important, and it just isn’t.

As many of you who have been with me almost from the beginning now, I shaved my head once upon a time to support my sister who was going through breast cancer.  It was scary and wonderful and all sorts of things all wrapped on in a package that left me without hair for a few months and lots of months with some pretty awful hairstyles while I grew it back in.  As drastic as shaving my head was, it wasn’t the first time in my life that I whacked my hair off.  In high school, I chopped it all off because I fell in love with Demi Moore’s hair in the movie Ghost, and I rocked that style for quite a while.

I would say my life has been pretty evenly spent in long hair and short hair.  It’s pretty funny to me, though, that when it is long, most of the time it is up in a bun or a pony tail or somehow not just hanging all over the place.  It can be rather annoying, and for people with thick hair like me, it can be heavy!

I sort of miss throwing my hair up in a messy bun.  I’ve been thinking lately that maybe I’ll grow it out again.  I’ve started on this path many times since I shaved it.  My profile picture on my blog is probably the longest I’ve let it grow since then and it just didn’t last very long.  Inevitably, I get to a point where I hate it and I chop it all off again.  One thing I am for sure going to keep doing is the under-shave.  I just have too much hair to let it all grow out.  It does make me wonder how a messy bun will look, though, with some of my head shaved.  At this point, I don’t really think I have a choice.

I like that some sort of shaved head is starting to become more mainstream.  I think we all need to realize that as much as we think our hair defines us, it really doesn’t.  It’s not like a haircut is permanent.  Hair grows back!  So, if you’re thinking about doing something crazy for summer, I’d say jump right in.  It’s all sorts of fun and crazy in here!


Stream of Consciousness Saturday  is hosted by Linda G Hill. Today’s prompt is “bun.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!